


i love you's

by callieincali



Category: The Magicians (TV)
Genre: F/F, but i like it so, cute with a side of angst, idk why i wrote this, parallels are my bop, read this if the wickoff drought has taken your soul, wickoff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-12
Updated: 2017-05-12
Packaged: 2018-10-31 00:04:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10887711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/callieincali/pseuds/callieincali
Summary: the first time julia and kady admit they love each other





	i love you's

**Author's Note:**

> hello, fellow wickoff drought survivors. i wrote another fic. read it and weep.

Julia was a fairly happy drunk, Kady came to realize early-on in their time together. It was a striking contrast to her own, generally belligerent attitude that came out when she drank.

And Kady had also come to realize (not long after her previous discernment) that she thoroughly enjoyed the sight of the shorter girl with a semi-permanent, goofy grin plastered on her face.

It started to become uncommon for Julia and Kady to go longer than a few days without a night filled with the cheap alcohol from the local gas station, slurred conversations, and the mesmerizing sight of Julia dramatically singing lyrics into the tops of whiskey bottles and dancing clumsily to each syllable, rather than the rhythm that surrounded the words. They were typical sights to see in the ending hours of the night, which slowly turned into the peaking hours of the morning.

And this particular night wasn't proving itself to be far from the norm.

Julia was already buzzed, chatting on about some story from her hedge witch days from the kitchen behind Kady, probably pouring herself another drink.

The story she was recounting had seemed to drag on for the larger part of the hour, and while Kady had long since stopped paying attention to the details, she would have been perfectly satisfied with letting the shorter girl ramble on for double the amount of time she'd already been listening.

But the apartment fell quiet not long after Julia entered the kitchen, signaling that the drawn out narrative had finally come to an end. Kady probably should have commented, but she remained silent along with the air around her, soaking in the sudden lack of noise.

"You're not drinking." Julia plopped down on the cushions beside Kady, a half-empty bottle of bourbon resting in the space between her thigh and the arm of the sofa. The statement sounded more questioning than observational. Julia traced her fingers along the exposed skin on top of Kady's wrist as she said it. Whispering music was playing behind them like an afterthought, so softly that Kady couldn't even attempt to guess what song was coming through the speakers.

"Thought my liver could use a break." Kady said, barely believing the words as she spoke them. By the look on Julia's face, she wasn't convinced, either.

"That's boring."

Using the hand that was still ghosting along her forearm, Julia lightly shoved Kady, most likely in an effort to coax her into joining in on the fun. "I don't wanna drink alone." She tacked on, the sentence muffled under an hour's worth of whiskey, but not enough to hide the hint of pouting that laced through it.

It didn't take much for Kady to give in— just one long, pleading stare from a pair of light brown eyes and Kady was leaning over to grab the bottle from its place beside Julia.

She raised it to her mouth and downed a few ounces, the sounds of Julia's laughter sending a different buzz through her mind.

"Chug, chug, chug," Julia prompted, deepening her voice as she repeated the chant.

Kady just shook her head and rolled her eyes amusedly, returning the bottle to Julia's grip, and swallowing the last of the bitter liquid behind her lips.

The unrevealed song ended a moment after Julia finished her chanting, leaving a noticeable silence between the two. The quiet beats of a new tune swallowed the silence, and while Kady's last interest was on the music, Julia's eyes seemed to light up at the sound breaking through the hush.

"I love this song!" She pushed herself from the seat— her balance faltering slightly— leaving the bourbon forgotten on the couch.

Kady didn't recognize the music, or maybe she did, but Julia's slow swaying hips and quiet humming had provided her with the hearing equivalent of "tunnel vision".

And not long into the song, Julia returned to where Kady was reclined, grabbing her hand and pulling her to her feet, claiming that she wanted them to dance together. The tempo was slow enough for Kady to pull Julia's hand to the space behind her neck before returning her own hands to the tops of the shorter girl's hips.

Their eyes locked, green gazing into light brown, and vice versa, and Kady couldn't hold back the giddy smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

Because Julia was beautiful. Not only beautiful in ways of looks, but beautiful in a way that made Kady's heart speed up a little every time she spoke. In a way that caused her breath to hitch with every grazing touch over her skin. Her lips— which suddenly felt dry and hot— were parted before she could stop them.

"I love you, Jules." It felt foreign coming from her mouth-- as if the phrase was one she had no right saying, like she didn't deserve to own the words— and her chest immediately filled with painfully strong thumps against her ribs. Julia first held a look of faint shock, but the surprise soon turned to elation, painting an ear-to-ear grin on her face.

"I love you too, Kady." She let her head fall against the taller girl's collarbone. Kady's muscles relaxed where she hadn't even realized they were tense, as if Julia's reply was the one things she had been waiting to hear for the majority of her life.

Kady traced her hand up Julia's back until it was playing with the tips of her hair, feeling the slightest bit prideful that she was the first to say 'I love you' between the two of them.

They danced until the song ended and Julia retreated to the couch for another swig of whiskey, where she found a temporary place to allow her eyes to fall closed. After some gentle coaxing, Kady managed to drag Julia into their shared room where she climbed under the blankets and dozed off immediately.

Kady found herself awake for a few minutes longer, wondering if Julia was going to remember the conversation after she slept off the alcohol coursing through her system.

She didn't.

 

* * *

 

Kady wasn't unfamiliar with waking up to one half of the queen-sized bed empty, still warm from the body that had recently been inhabiting it. It was almost as if her subconscious was constantly aware of the space beside her, always shaking her awake as soon as it found the bed to be missing the short brunette that it usually encompassed in its duvet.

It had only been a few weeks since Kady had 'moved in' with Julia. Sharing an apartment felt like a necessary convenience, considering they spent most of their time together and Kady wasn't particularly fond of bleeding her bank account with hotel bills. Sharing a bed was just a preference that neither ever discussed, wordlessly coming to the mutual decision early on.

But not long into her stay, she took notice of Julia's frequent, sporadic disappearances during the night.

Typically, Kady would drag her feet out of the back bedroom, scrubbing her eyes with the back of her hand (all she was missing was a worn-out teddy bear and she would be the spitting image of a little kid, stumbling out of bed to find their mommy after having a nightmare), only to find Julia, tucked against the corner of her lumpy couch, staring off into the distance as if she were watching a movie that only she could see.

Sometimes she would be crying. Other times, she would just blankly stare ahead, silently moving her lips as to try and communicate to something that wasn't there.

And Kady would lean against the wall across from her, watching the smaller girl battle against the flashbacks reeling in her mind, completely oblivious to the fact that a head of messy, brown curls had entered her vicinity.

Kady wasn't necessarily experienced in comforting others, especially when the consolation Julia needed was so far from anything Kady would ever understand. But she would make her way to the couch, anyway, sitting in silence with the hopes that her company alone would be enough to pull Julia from her thoughts.

They usually maintained the position for a few minutes, until Kady pulled the shorter girl to her feet, guiding her out from between the coffee table and the couch, where she would tug Julia into a side-hug of sorts and lead her back to the bed awaiting them.

So when Kady woke up to see overturned blankets entering her sleep-clogged field of vision one night, she shuffled out to the living room, expecting to see Julia occupying the sofa, but her eyes were only met with emptiness. And while it took a few moments for her sleepy thoughts to recognize the weight of the situation, when she did, she felt suddenly awake, the heaviness in her eyelids long forgotten.

A hurried sweep of the apartment was executed without yielding any evidence of the missing girl, and Kady couldn't hold back the groaned profanities that fell from her mouth as she grabbed a coat and slung it around the exposed skin on her arms. Her legs were predominantly uncovered, but changing into pants seemed like a further waste of time that brought her potentially farther from Julia with each passing second.

So, she tugged the door open and rushed down the hall to the exit, instantly regretting her decision to stay in shorts so short that she might as well have just worn underwear. The cold air swept across her thighs, raising bumps in its wake, forcing her to tuck her hands into the coat pockets and tug them down until they covered a decent amount of skin on her legs, while also digging deeply into the tops of her shoulders.

It didn't take long for Kady to spot a familiar set of brown eyes and hair to match, leaning against the wall directly outside the apartment complex; a cigarette in one hand and a half-empty bottle of vodka in the other. A breath she couldn't recall holding blew from her lips, laced with the last syllables of a few select curses.

 

* * *

 

When Julia tore her mind from the nightmare unfolding behind her eyes, she didn't stop to think twice about leaving the warmth of her sheets and shuffling quietly to the living room, hoping her movements hadn't been enough to wake Kady.

As if her mind were running on memory alone, she blindly found her way to the couch, but stopped before she was able to take a seat. Memories were flooding in, despite her best efforts to keep them contained. She swore she could still smell blood lingering in her hardwood flooring. And the thought of sitting on the couch, surrounded by the smell of a time that she wished her brain would stop remembering, made the little contents left in her stomach want to make their way out of her throat.

She wanted to leave— needed to get away from the haunting distractions. So, grabbing the last of whatever alcohol she could find and a pack of cigarettes, Julia threw open the apartment door and stormed out the entrance, biting her tongue to stop the sobs trying to escape her mouth.

The cold, night air shocked her body, enough to remind her that she was alive, and not just the shell of someone she used to be, as she was beginning to feel more and more like.

She didn't have the mental energy (or desire) to go very far, and she knew that distance would have little effect on the emotional state she was in.

The cool brick wall that ran along the front of her apartment complex offered a suitable place to lean against, and as soon as her scarcely covered back hit the wall, she unscrewed the cap on the bottle in her hand and threw back her head, gulping down a few mouthfuls of what she found to be vodka. Her empty stomach ensured she would be feeling that soon enough.

Tucking the still-open bottle under her arm, Julia whipped out a fresh cigarette and lit it between her lips, sighing contently at the smoke that erupted from the tip.

Her eyes flicked between the sky, her feet, her cigarette, the smoke she puffed out, then back up to the dark blue above her. Rinse, repeat. Rinse, repeat.

Kady was watching her by the third repetition. Julia could feel it. But she couldn't bring herself to acknowledge the curly-haired girl's presence. Kady would have to be the one to make the first move.

And she was— two steps forward and a quiet cough made it impossible for Julia to ignore her any longer.

Julia shot a glance towards Kady— as if she hadn't noticed her standing there for the last five minutes— before returning guilty eyes to the cement below her, like a child, caught in the act of sneaking out.

The air remained still as Kady found her way to the brick, assuming the same position as the shorter girl. She looked uncomfortably cold, and Julia could feel regret heating the spaces just below her cheekbones.

"Having a pity party without me?" Kady feigned hurt, her eyebrows raised slightly, revealing she wasn't at all offended. Julia was still growing accustomed to Kady's dry sense of humor and the inappropriate times she chose to use it, but forced a short laugh from her nose, anyway, shaking her head along with it.

"Can't sleep." The words were scarily monotonous— even to her own ears— cracking between a whisper and a higher volume in a way that she could have plucked straight out of a nightmare. It stretched beyond emotional, as if Julia had surpassed feelings and fallen over the edge into inevitable numbness. If Kady were to look into her eyes, she would probably see the brown irises dimming into dull shades of beige, the emptiness swallowing the color inside itself.

Julia dragged off the cigarette with a lengthy breath, her cheeks hollowing as she sucked in the smoke, and held out the cigarette for Kady to take. Kady wasn't necessarily one to enjoy smoking, but she still took the cigarette and brought it to her lips, superficially taking a drag and holding back a cough as she pushed the hazy cloud from her lips.

The cigarette was barely burnt, but Kady shoved the tip into the brick behind them, crushing the paper under its own weight. Julia knew the action was on purpose and saw the meaning behind it— Kady didn't like to see Julia smoking and putting out a mostly usable cigarette was the passive way to signal that Julia shouldn't light another, though Kady would never admit it— but still pouted out her bottom lip slightly, wishing she hadn't offered Kady the cigarette in the first place.

Silence rented the space until Kady broke the fragile emptiness.

"Is—" she stopped and cleared her throat of the lingering smoke. "Is there anything I can, maybe, do? To help?" She finished, wiping the ashy residue off of her first two fingers and holding her gaze with Julia's profile.

It was such a simple question, but, to Julia, it seemed as if the right answer was too complex to assemble into a sentence.

"Just— stay?" She didn't look up from her feet— wouldn't let herself— but she didn't need to in order to know that a sad smile had inevitably found its way to Kady's lips.

"Sounds easy enough."

If Kady's nearly trembling legs were any proof, it definitely wasn't easy, but she kept the complaints hidden, stepping a bit closer to allow their shoulders to touch.

And, once again, the night fell incredibly quiet; the only noises coming from the swaying trees and the hum of a nearby air conditioner. Julia lost track of time— vodka a catalyst in her uncertainty— mind racing between horrid memories and the sudden warmth that was encompassing her hand where Kady's fingers had laced through her own.

Julia couldn't begin to think of where she would be without the girl who was holding her hand. And it felt necessary to show that. She wanted to express how thankful she was towards Kady, but the words she had chosen refused to leave her lips, clinging to the tip of her tongue as if they were willing her not to speak.

She had said the words before. It was easy saying them to James. It almost felt meaningless after the countless times she had uttered them; at the end of phone conversations, walking out of the apartment to go to work, before falling asleep. Julia wanted this time to be different. She wanted these words to hold weight.

"Kady," she said, every nerve in her body already firing in a way that told her she was making a bad decision. She ignored the warnings, proceeding to pull her eyes from her feet for the first time since Kady had come outside.

The taller girl looked her in the eyes, a faint smile riding on her mouth as if she was anticipating what was about to come.

"I love you."

Julia's chest drowned in heat, her heart pounding at a mile a minute, but somehow the words instilled a sudden lightness on her shoulders.

The smile on Kady's face grew into a knowing smirk.

"I love you, too." She untangled their intertwined fingers and ran her hand along Julia's back until it found her shoulder and tugged it closer. Kady's lips found the top of Julia's head— a spot made accessible through their considerable height difference— and planted a kiss on it, squeezing the shorter girl's shoulder in her grasp.

She couldn't stop a content smile from taking over her expression— almost identical to Kady's— flushing her cheeks a pale red.

Julia had to admit: she felt better being held against Kady's chest. She would even go as far as to say that she felt happy.

(And the slightest bit prideful that she was the first to say 'I love you' between the two of them. )

**Author's Note:**

> i'm a sucker for parallels. also i can just imagine them fighting over who said 'i love you' first at some point in their relationship. 
> 
> bonus: julia eventually remembers that kady said it first but still claims that she doesn't remember, just so kady will tell her the story again. (: 
> 
> k imma shut up now. 
> 
> come scream about feels with me on twitter @bestbltches or tumblr @magicianstextposts


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